Free Write (Growing)
Day by day, I grow older, not by choice but by law.
I don't really know why I just said that, but allow me to elaborate.
It may seem a bit odd, but I journal to myself about myself, once a year, every night before I turn another year old. I started doing this when I was 14, two hours before turning 15 years old. I never believed people when they said that you change as you grow older. I always told my siblings and my parents that the me they see today, will always be the me they see, no matter what. I was me and that would never change. So my mother challenged me and told me to start a journal on the things that I loved, the things I always talked about and the way that I thought, and watch as they change the older I grew. So I took her challenge as a counter challenge to prove that all those things cannot change just because I turn another year old. And I must say, the first 2 yours of doing this really did convince me that I would never change. However, after journaling for about 5 years now, I am starting to see the differences in myself. I'm starting to see what she meant, but it isn't entirely true. I have not really changed, it's the way that I express my newly acquired maturity or the things that I have come to know and understand about the world and about reality that have changed. Of course, this does mean that I win in a way too. My personality, especially at home, is still identical to the way it used to be five years ago. The way I feel about certain things really hasn't changed much either. Nonetheless, I have grown older and that is a fact. The things that dominate my 18 year old conscious mind is definitely different from the things that once dominated my 14 year old conscious mind. Not that those changes are bad, but if it were up to me, I wish I didn't have to grow up. I wish that the reality of the world was never truly revealed to me.
It's just like one of my favorite quotes:
I don't really know why I just said that, but allow me to elaborate.
It may seem a bit odd, but I journal to myself about myself, once a year, every night before I turn another year old. I started doing this when I was 14, two hours before turning 15 years old. I never believed people when they said that you change as you grow older. I always told my siblings and my parents that the me they see today, will always be the me they see, no matter what. I was me and that would never change. So my mother challenged me and told me to start a journal on the things that I loved, the things I always talked about and the way that I thought, and watch as they change the older I grew. So I took her challenge as a counter challenge to prove that all those things cannot change just because I turn another year old. And I must say, the first 2 yours of doing this really did convince me that I would never change. However, after journaling for about 5 years now, I am starting to see the differences in myself. I'm starting to see what she meant, but it isn't entirely true. I have not really changed, it's the way that I express my newly acquired maturity or the things that I have come to know and understand about the world and about reality that have changed. Of course, this does mean that I win in a way too. My personality, especially at home, is still identical to the way it used to be five years ago. The way I feel about certain things really hasn't changed much either. Nonetheless, I have grown older and that is a fact. The things that dominate my 18 year old conscious mind is definitely different from the things that once dominated my 14 year old conscious mind. Not that those changes are bad, but if it were up to me, I wish I didn't have to grow up. I wish that the reality of the world was never truly revealed to me.
It's just like one of my favorite quotes:
“So who decides…? What is right or wrong? Reality…? How did you learn of the reality you speak of? The entire world is governed by the reasoning of selfish minded adults. We’re able to obscure reality according to our obsessions. We’re never actually shown what reality is. In this case, the reality that you speak of is nonsense that has been altered. Try to conform this reality into the one you want is like… trying to join two pieces of a puzzle that do not fit.
I'm about to turn 19 years old in March. The years will past me by and before I know it, I'm going to be an old lady. Day by day, I will grow older, not by choice, but by law.
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